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Scrubs 203, My Case Study
Dr. Cox: I'll tell you what there, bubby. If you really want to help me, why don't you quiet down and get yourself some rest; and then if you're a really good girl, I'll wind up your car and take you out to a talkie.
- "Caught by the River" by the Doves. Album: 'The Last Broadcast'
Scrubs 204 My Big Mouth
J.D. and Dr. Cox are there. Elliot rushes up to them.
Elliot: Dr. Cox! I'm so glad I caught you! I need---
Dr. Cox: And there it is again -- that ringing in my ears. It's kind of an "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" but it's more piercing, more of an "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"---
J.D.: She's trying to ask you a question.
Dr. Cox: Now you, you're more of a low-pitched "Ooga-ooga-ooga." It's more masculine, which, quite frankly, is surprising considering the source, but make no mistake -- oh, just equally annoying! Luckily, though, I know how to make the pain go away!
He walks away from them.
Dr. Cox: [from down the hall] Ahhhh. Much better.
Elliot: Can you believe that!? I mean, every time we even try to talk to him, he starts going off on one of these random tangents and....
She continues to spew, but is drowned out by....
J.D.'s Thoughts: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Elliot: --You know?
Scrubs 206 My Big Brother
Hall
Dr. Cox walks through. He passes Turk, who is waiting for an elevator.
Dr. Cox: [whistles] Let's go, field trip.
Turk: I got things to do, you know.
Still, he follows Dr. Cox.
Dr. Cox: Let me guess, you're off to another funeral. I'll make you a deal -- you come with me right now, and if you're still late for the graveyard, I will personally scour the obituaries with you this weekend and you can just go nuts!
Turk: Carla put you up to this?
Dr. Cox: No, it was my idea. I desperately want to be close with you, I just can't figure out how to connect. Turn around.
Turk gives him a look.
Dr. Cox: [firm] Turn around.
Turk does turn around, and the two look into the observation window of a patient in the I.C.U.
The family is gathered around the bed as Dr. Wen speaks to them.
Dr. Cox: You see Dr. Wen in there? He's explaining to that family that something went wrong and that the patient died. He's gonna tell them what happened, he's gonna say he's sorry, and then he's going back to work. You think anybody else in that room is going back to work today?
That is why we distance ourselves, that's why we make jokes. We don't do it because it's fun -- we do it so we can get by...and sometimes because it's fun. But mostly it's the getting by thing.
He starts to walk away, knocking Turk in the shoulder as he passes, then stops.
Dr. Cox: Oh, and by the way.... [bobs his head] "Bob"? Who doesn't get that?
~~*~~
Hospital Exterior
Dan and J.D. are sitting on the rail.
Dan: Look, J.D., we're all proud you became a doctor, but just because I haven't achieved as much as you doesn't mean I don't like what I do.
J.D.: Dan, there's nothing wrong with being a bartender.
Dan: I like living with mom.
J.D.: She makes great eggs!
Dan: All in all, I'm pretty damn happy! I'm happy...you know?
J.D.'s Thoughts: And now for the apology.
J.D. hops off the rail and faces his brother.
J.D.: That's a load of crap.
Dan gives him a questioning look.
J.D.: Look, I know you, okay. I know the reason you wanted to pretend you're a doctor yesterday is 'cause you hate working in that bar and you wanted to feel like somebody for once. Come on, man, you're not--you're not driving that car across the country for the three hundred dollars -- you're doing it 'cause you like the way you feel when you drive it. And the funny thing is, you could be that guy, but you're afraid that if--if you actually have to try at something you might fail, and that's just not a chance you're willing to take.
Dan: What can I say? It's been a real pleasure seeing you.
Dan hops off the rail and heads for the car.
Toad The Wet Sprocket's "Something's Always Wrong" begins to play.
J.D.: [sighs] Dan....
Dan ignores him.
J.D.'s Narration: Right then, I knew I'd never see my brother the same way again.
J.D. imagines his brother as a teenager, hopping into a classic Mustang, with a cheerleader by his side. As he drives past J.D., the present catches up with him, as he drives the Mercedes away.
J.D.'s Narration: You can never let go of the kid inside of you.
In a bar, J.D. and Turk are wearing their pig masks.
Turk: Dude, that girl in the wolf outfit is totally checking you out!
J.D.: I'd let her to blow my house down, you know what I'm sayin'!
They do their Robot High Five.
The barman sets a bowl of mixed nuts in front of the guys, and they dig in, face first.
Turk: ...a cashew!
J.D.'s Narration: You see, it's the kid inside of us that keeps us all from going crazy.
In his car, Dr. Kelso grips the steering wheel with his giant gorilla paws. He laughs maniacally.
The song fades.
- "Something's Always Wrong" by Toad The Wet Sprocket. Album: 'Dulcinea'
::..back to top..::
Scrubs 207 My First Step
Elliot: Dr. Cox! Is this a g-good time? Because I just have a teeny, teeny-weeny little question about Mrs. Kahn's necrotizing fasciitis.
Dr. Cox: Oh, for you, Barbie: anything!
Elliot: Super!
She takes a breath to begin her question, but he cuts her off.
Dr. Cox: But first, an interesting side note: I actually had my physical last week, and while my cholesterol was low, my blood pressure was through the roof. Needless to say, my physician was stumped; but now -- thank God! -- you've helped us solve that riddle. You see, because, the very instant I heard your shrill voice whining about a teeny-weeny problem, aw, it took every ounce of self-restraint I had to keep blood from shooting out my ears.
Elliot: Doesn't it seem like, in the time it took to say all that, you could've just helped me out instead?
Dr. Cox: Well, yes it does. But, here, that's what makes it delicious.
He walks away.
~~*~~
J.D.: Well, amazing is sort of a strong word.... I just show up and let the Lord work through me.
Elliot: You actually think you're a better doctor than me, don't you?
He stops to ponder this question.
J.D.'s Thoughts: Well, I do have better bed-side manner.... I anticipate problems way ahead of time.... Oh, and my hair never gets in my face; so yes, yes I do!
J.D.: No I don't.
Elliot: [blows a strand of hair out of her face] Yes you do. Every time you stare off in to space like this....
She mimics his thoughtful pose.
Elliot: ...I know you're just thinking of something you're too afraid to say.
J.D.: Please, I never do this....
He makes the pose. Then laughs at her.
Then he thinks....and unconsciously does stare off in to space, just as she suggested.
J.D.'s Thoughts: Maybe she's just upset because she knows I'm right?
Elliot: Oh, my God!
::..back to top..::
Scrubs 209 My Lucky Day
Elliot is sitting at a chair across from Ted.
Lawyer: Look, I--I don't get a lot of women in here. What's your honest opinion of these drapes?
He gestures to the window coverings. Elliot gives them a brief glance.
Elliot: W-They're fine, Ted., But, I'm getting sued!
Lawyer: You're right. You're right, you're right. Now, by "fine,"---
Elliot: Ted!
Lawyer: Okay, um, just time to calm down, now.
Elliot: I'm fine.
Lawyer: Actually, I was talking to myself. Now, uh, you haven't discussed the lawsuit with Mr. Bragen, have you?
***Flashback: Mr. Bragen's Room
Elliot: A lawsuit!?
****
Elliot: It, uh, it sort of came up, yeah.
Lawyer: Oh, God! Tell me you didn't antagonize him!
***Flashback...
Elliot: So, sue me!
****
Lawyer: Or admit fault!?
***Flashback....
Elliot: That is _totally_ my fault!
****
Lawyer: Oh, come on! A good lawyer couldn't win this case!!!
Dr. Kelso comes in.
Dr. Kelso: Ah! New drapes. They're awful!
~~*~~
Dr. Cox comes in.
Dr. Cox: It was luck.
J.D. turns around.
J.D.: What?
Dr. Cox: The thing that you forgot? Turns out, whatever you know about medicine, ultimately, luck or fate or God or...who knows what is always gonna end up playing a much bigger role in the whole thing than you and I ever will. Hell, it was lucky you were watching that show the other night. And it was unlucky that your patient went the other way, even though you did absolutely everything right; and, for the record, you did. I was looking over your shoulder every step of the way.
J.D.: Thanks.
Dr. Cox: Wasn't a favor, Newbie. It was my job.
He leaves.
- "Under Pressure" by Queen and David Bowie. Album: Queen's 'Hot Space', et al.
::..back to top..::
Scrubs 210 My Monster
J.D.: Morning, Dr. Cox!
Dr. Cox: Oh, ho, ho, Denise! I know it's morning. If it was last night, I'd still be with my extremely pregnant ex-wife, trying to get her to calm down with a chair and a whip because -- believe it or not -- I somehow managed to forget to bring home the _curly fries_. Do you see where I'm going here? Yes, no, maybe so? [whistles] Talk to her!
~~*~~
J.D.: Hey, Lisa! How you doin'?
Lisa: J.D., I can't give you free gum.
J.D.: Free gum--- No! You know, I was just thinking, you're probably one of those girls that's so pretty that no one ever has the courage to ask you out.
Lisa: No, I get asked out all the time.
J.D.'s Thoughts: Okay, momentary set-back. Regroup. Regroup!
J.D.: Hey, go out with me.
She ponders it.
J.D.: It's the right thing to do.
Lisa: Sure, why not.
Choir: Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
J.D.: Very funny, you dumb choir punks! Santa's a drunk! [back to Lisa] Where were we?
~~*~~
Elliot: Huh! I put all those fliers up, and nobody wants me to live with them!
J.D.: Oh, come on, Elliot. I'm sure you'll eventually find a roommate who's a [reading] clean, non-smoking vegetarian that rinses the shower thoroughly after each usage.
Elliot: Oh, well, if you don't, it gets mildewy.
J.D.: You know, you should move in with my friend: Anal McLooney.
~~*~~
Cafeteria
Turk and J.D. sit across from each other at a table, though they're lost in their own little worlds.
Dr. Cox is at one nearby, equally contemplative.
J.D.'s Narration: You never expect a cliché to be an actual conversation starter.
Turk: Women! Huh?
Dr. Cox: Tell me about it.
J.D.: It's like they're from another planet!
~~*~~
J.D.: Is this where you're sleeping tonight?
Elliot: Yeah, so? It's, uh, it's cozy.... Hospital-adjacent.
J.D.: Elliot! Come on! This is crazy -- you're living out of a van like a hobo...or...Jewel.
Elliot: Her poetry changed my life.
Scrubs 211
- "Tell Her This" by Del Amitri. Album: 'Hatful of Rain'
::..back to top..::
Scrubs 212 My New Old Friend
Elliot: Told you I could fit in this spot!
J.D.: You were right. I'll just...put this guy's side-view mirror on his roof.
~~*~~
Turk: Dude, that whole damn building is packed with liars!
J.D.: It is not.
***Fantasy Sequence: A Classroom
The Janitor stands at the front of a class of what look like 9- or 10-year-olds. He's wearing all of J.D.'s stuff.
Janitor: Well, if the cut was that deep, I'd probably just, uh, pull your arm off.
The entire class gasps with horror.
The Janitor goes back to the chalkboard where he has written his name.
Janitor: Once again: _Doctor_..._Jan_ _Itor_. Dr. Jan Itor.
(He pronounces the name "Yan Eetor")
****
J.D.: Okay, maybe you're right. But, we're doctors, man. I mean, that comes with the territory; some patients just don't like telling the whole truth.
Turk: Well, I don't get why people have to do that.
J.D.: I don't know.... Maybe it's 'cause they're proud...maybe it's 'cause they're scared....
***Flashback: Elliot in the I.C.U earlier.
Elliot: You know what, it was just stuff! I'm fine.
****
J.D.: Maybe it's because telling the truth would make them feel too vulnerable.
Turk: I guess.
~~*~~
Howie Day's "She Says" begins to play.
J.D.'s Narration: There are a few things I've always believed in....
J.D.'s Narration: Flowers are good for any occasion.
J.D. has a lovely bouquet in hand as he knocks on an apartment door.
J.D.'s Narration: And nothing is more important than making time for an old friend.
Dr. Cox and Carla are shooting pool in the bar.
J.D.'s Narration: Especially if the old girl's seen better days.
Dr. Kelso is buffing poor Bessy. He weeps when he looks at her damage.
J.D.'s Narration: 'Cause even if it breaks your heart to be 'just friends', if you really care about someone, you'll take the hit.
J.D. is at Elliot's empty apartment, the two of them sitting together on the floor. J.D.'s bouquet is set up nearby.
Elliot sobs on his shoulder.
Elliot: [crying] It wasn't just stuff! It was all of my yearbooks.... And this little pink blanket that my grandmother had crocheted for me and...all of my first love letters!
Elliot continues to mourn her personal treasures as the camera pulls back and the music starts to fade.
Elliot: [sobs] ....And my shoes!!!! [bawls]
- "She Says" by Howie Day. Album: 'Australia'
::..back to top..::
Scrubs 213 My Philosophy
J.D.: I honestly believe, in hospitals...there's like this...balance. You know? It's like, when one person dies, another person gets a chance to live. I like to call it The Circle of Life.
Dr. Cox overhears this and enters the doorway.
Dr. Cox: Oh, my God! You must stop watching 'The Lion king'!
J.D.: I like that baby lion cub. What's his name...?
Dr. Cox: ..."Simba"...?
J.D.: Trick question! You like it, too! [laughs]
~~*~~
Nurse Roberts pushes past him as she rushes through the hall.
J.D.: What's going on?
Nurse Roberts: She's coding!
J.D. follows after her to Elaine's room, where Dr. Cox and other staff are desperately working on the woman who lies unconscious on her bed, her heart monitor beeping wildly.
J.D. stands at the doorway, taking in the scene with sadness and disbelief.
***Fantasy Sequence: The lights in the room go down and Elaine, dressed in a lovely scarlet gown, stands next to her bed, bathed in the glow of a theatrical spotlight.
With simple acoustic guitar accompaniment, she begins Colin Hay's "Waiting for My Real Life to Begin"
Elaine: [singing] "Any minute now, my ship is coming in / I'll keep checking the horizon / I'll stand on the bow, feel the waves come crash in."
She walks past J.D. into the hall.
Outside the hospital, still leaning on the handrail, Turk is also in the dark, the only light shining on him being that of a spotlight. He continues:
Turk: [singing] "Come crashing down, down, down / On me."
In the hall, the Janitor comes up next to J.D. and sings:
Janitor: "And you say, 'Be still, my love'"
Bathed in spotlight, Carla throws her bag on her shoulder, and walks to her destination singing:
Carla: "Open up your heart, let the light shine in."
The chorus is sung by Ted, Dr. Kelso, and the female doctor in her office:
Lawyer / Doctor / Dr. Kelso: "Don't you understand, I already have a plan / I'm waiting for my real life to begin."
At "I already have a plan", Ted throws his arm around the doctor.
Now all stand before J.D. at the center of the I.C.U.
Elaine: "My real life to begin"
(in counterpart)
Lawyer / Doctor / Dr. Kelso: "Oh, oh, oh, don't you understand"
Elaine: "I already have a plan."
All: "I'm waiting for my real life to begin."
Elaine: "On a clear day, I can see....."
All: [harmony] "See......."
The note is held as Elaine walks back to her room.
Elaine: "See a very long way."
****
The lights come back up, and the music fades into the shrill sound of Elaine's flat-lined heart monitor. With disappointment, Dr. Cox drops the defibrillator paddles into the tray. He walks out the door, stopping next to J.D.
Dr. Cox: She's gone.... You gonna be okay?
Tears well up in J.D.'s eyes as he stares at his lost friend.
J.D.: ....Yeah.
Fade to black.
- "Waiting for My Real Life to Begin" originally by Colin Hay. Album: 'Going Somewhere'
- Performed by actress Jill Tracy and cast.
::..back to top..::
Scrubs 214 My Brother, My Keeper
Dr. Cox: No, honey, the reason we're late is that you took forever to get ready. That's what happens when you're vain!
Jordan: Whatever you say, Mr. Yesterday I Had Chest-hair, Today I Suddenly Don't.
He clears his throat, embarrassed.
They pass by Elliot at the Nurses' Station
J.D.'s Narration: Sometimes Elliot just can't help herself.
Elliot: Dr. Cox! You're a waxer?
Dr. Cox: [imitating a wispy, upper-crust voice of a nature documentary narrator] Hark, it is the high-pitched warble of the nosy nelly! Don't see many of those flitting about these halls anymore because, well, quite frankly, when one does -- [cocks an imaginary shot gun] -- one shoots to kill.
Elliot's eyes widen.
Dr. Cox: Now, Bar-bie, Jordan is here for her ultrasound today, and I'm going to be holding her claw the entire time. So, what you've just done is essentially volunteered to do all of your work and all of mine. And if you'll step right this way, I'll be more than glad to tell you more about what you've won!
He ushers her down the hall, despite her protesting whines.
Scrubs 215 His Story
Dr. Cox: Anyway, I have invited a couple of my friends over to the apartment while she's gonna to be gone -- we're gonna have some beers, watch the game, it's gonna be great -- and I was wondering if you---
Cox's Shrink: I'm not your friend!
Dr. Cox: They're not, either.
~~*~~
Doug nervously approaches Dr. Cox.
Doug: Uh, Dr. Cox?
Dr. Cox begins emanating a low, annoyed growl.
Doug: Um...I just wanted to tell you, uh.... W-w-what the thing is--is, uh....
Dr. Cox's Thoughts: One....Two....Ten.
Doug: Um---
Dr. Cox: Finish the sentence in the next two seconds or start running.
Doug freezes up and begins whimpering.
Dr. Cox: Oh, dear God, you're actually frozen with fear. All right, don't worry about a thing, I'm going to talk you through this. I want you to relax, take a big breath, and now...[whistles sharply] get out of here!! You go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go!
J.D. comes up to the Station.
J.D.: Morning, Dr. Cox!
Dr. Cox's Thoughts: Gladys! Ginger! Tiffany! No, Cheryl! Betsy...Betsy! Mm! That's new!
Dr. Cox: Betsy, good morning. Let's make with the chop-chop.
They walk through the unit.
J.D.: You know, you already used Betsy, like, six months ago.
Dr. Cox: I don't care!
Dr. Cox's Thoughts: Dammit!
~~*~~
Elliot: Nurse, I need...clean sheets right away to room one....thousand.
Dr. Kelso gives her a strange look.
Paul: Uh, she's covering because she's embarrassed that she likes a nurse. And I really can't figure out why.
Dr. Kelso: Well, that's because you're doing a woman's job, son. Have a good one.
He continues down the hall.
~~*~~
J.D.: Did you just climb down an elevator shaft to torment me?
Janitor: Well, sometimes in life you gotta do what you gotta do.
::..back to top..::
Scrubs 217 My Own Personal Practice Guy
J.D.'s Narration: Everyone deals with problems in their own way.
J.D.'s Narration: Some lash out at others...
Dr. Kelso finds the cord of his beloved Miss PacMan machine has been cut.
J.D.'s Narration: ...some just end up lashing out at themselves...
Carla stares dourly at her reflection.
J.D.'s Narration: ...and some people just try to hide.
Dr. Cox enters the bar.
J.D. ducks behind the pool table.
Dr. Cox: [cheerily to the waitress] Nancy! [bitterly to J.D.] Nancy.
J.D.'s Narration: Unfortunately, that never works.
Scrubs 218 My T.C.W.
Cafeteria
J.D., Elliot, Turk, and Carla share a table.
Dr. Cox is at the next one.
J.D.: I decided to take Jamie out on a date.
Carla: Who?
Turk: You know -- Tasty Coma Wife?
Elliot: No way!
Dr. Cox: Nice job, there, Hooch. I'll tell you what -- you give me a little prep time, and I'll rig it so that the husband can come with ya. Honest to God, I'll have him sittin' up right next to ya, no problemo. Whatta you say?
***Fantasy: P.C.H. Pops his head up over J.D.'s shoulder
Jack: I'm free, and I love Italian!
J.D.: You be quiet!
****
Carla: I can't believe you, Bambi!
Turk: She is so right, man.
Elliot: What are you thinking!?
Dr. Cox: [shaking his head] Oh, Rin-Tin-Tin-Tin-Tin-Tin-Tin!
J.D. shoots up out of his seat.
J.D.: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! And shut up! Okay? Who are you people to give me advice about anything? All you do is just bitch about your relationships all day long!
[to Dr. Cox] And you know what? Glare all you want, "Big Dog," okay, 'cause I'm not afraid of you. "Oh, no! Jordan's only paying attention to the baby!" That must be so hard for Dr. Look At Me! Isn't it? "Look at meeeeeee!"
[to Turk and Carla] And you two? Come on, you're arguing since you got engaged? Wow, you're probably the first couple that's ever done that, ever! It can't be that you're just scared, is it?
[to Elliot] And you! You! You know what, let's just--let's just forget for one second that a month ago you told me you couldn't be in a relationship with anyone. Because, for me, it's actually fun to watch you sabotage your relationship from the outside. It really is.
Honestly? The only thing that gives me comfort, you guys, is while I'm sitting at home, staring at the ceiling, just wishing that I had someone to talk to, is knowing that none of you idiots realize how lucky you are!
He storms out.
J.D.: Ugh!
Nurse Roberts comes around.
Nurse Roberts: Did I miss something good?
~~*~~
J.D.'s Narration: I don't think people are meant to be by themselves.
J.D.'s Narration: That's why, if you actually find someone you care about...
J.D.'s Narration: ...it's important to let go of the little things.
J.D.'s Narration: ...Even if you can't let go all the way.
J.D.'s Narration: Because nothing sucks more than feeling all alone...no matter how many people are around.
- "Come Around" by Old 97's Rhett Miller. Album: 'The Instigator'
::..back to top..::
Scrubs 219 My Kingdom
Surgery -- Washroom
Turk and J.D. are scrubbing up.
Turk: You just gotta remember -- when surgical residents sense insecurity, they attack.
J.D.: I'll watch out for that.
Turk: Dude, your face. Your face.
J.D. looks at his reflection in the window.
Those Surgical punks have painted a nose and whiskers on his mask.
J.D.: Ohhhh, man!
Turk: Yeah, let's lose the tail, too.
J.D. looks back to see that they've also attached a rope tail onto the back of his scrubs.
J.D.: Huh! How did they get that on there, dawg?
Turk: Buddy [rips off the tail] I got your back--
J.D.: Oooooo!
Turk: --but lay low for a while.
J.D.: No problem. All right, people, how long till we get this thing started?
He walks out into the OR, and bashes his head on a low-hanging light.
He passes out, crashing to the floor.
Turk: Probably not for a few minutes.
~~*~~
Dr. Kelso: Ted, you're a simpleton!
Lawyer: That's funny, 'cause I thought I was rubber and you were glue!
Dr. Kelso: Idiot!
Lawyer: Boing-fwip!
~~*~~
Lawyer: Uh, we have a telegram from Nurse Paul Flowers--- [breaks into giggles] That name is funny!
Scrubs 221 My Drama Queen
Lecture Room
Dr. Cox is back with his class, to which Elliot has been added.
The Lawyer stands by to supervise as Dr. Cox reads the dictated spiel.
Dr. Cox: Okay, here we go. [reading] When hospital employees fail to communicate properly with patients, there are both ethical and legal ramifications that can lead to financial hardships for the institution and personal grievances against its...[takes a breath]...doctors. Huh.
Elliot: Dr. Cox! This is useless, I thought we were really going to learn something?
Dr. Cox: Barbie, why did they toss you in here?
Elliot: Oh, they didn't! I'm, uh...uh, I'm...auditing.
Dr. Cox: Fine. Fine. Fine, fine, fine, fine. [tosses away the lecture guidelines] You wanna know the real skinny? If you want to be good doctors and nurses, you damn-sure better get ready to get in trouble -- a lot. Because patients are stupid, and they are really scared. And some of them need you to hold their hands, and you should. Others need you to kick their asses, and you absolutely should do that, too. But, it really all just comes down to whether or not you got the guts to say just exactly what you know in your heart of hearts you really should say.
Everyone takes a moment to digest this, interrupted by Dr. Kelso entering the room.
Dr. Kelso: Sooo, Ted! How is Professor Cox doing?
Ted thinks a moment.
Lawyer: Excellent, sir!
Dr. Cox: [proud of himself] Ha-haaa!
Lawyer: And you know what else? I quit!
Dr. Kelso: No, you don't.
Lawyer: Well, I'm leaving early today!
Dr. Kelso: No, you're coming back to my office and doing busy work!
Lawyer: Fine. But I'm getting a soda first!
Dr. Kelso: Whatever!
Dr. Kelso leaves, and Ted raises his arms over his head in victory.
The opening of "Don't You (Forget About Me)" -- from 'The Breakfast Club' -- plays as the class splits up.
~~*~~
J.D.'s Narration: Sometimes it takes a priest to keep you from making a big mistake.
- "Sunday" by Keren DeBerg. Album: 'Gone'
::..back to top..::
Scrubs 222 My Dream Job
Dr. Kelso: I haven't perused the latest nursing contract, but I'm guessing it doesn't say "Show up when you damn well please!"
Dr. Cox and Jordan (carrying the baby) stop at the desk.
Dr. Cox: Oh, hey, Bob, here's an idea: What say you stop showing up altogether? We'll just replace you with a giant time-clock. Oh, and if we ever get to missing you, we'll just have a tiny little Bob Kelso cuckoo bird pop out every couple of minutes and say "I've never satisfied a woman. I've never satisfied a woman. I've never satisfied a woman."
~~*~~
Dr. Cox stops near J.D. on his way past.
Dr. Cox: Nice call on the anti-seizure medication, there, Newbie. You know I'm actually starting to think you may not be the worst resident that ever lived.
He continues on. J.D. turns back to the patient.
J.D.: Ohhh! How cool was that!
Mr. Graff: Shut up.
J.D.: You shut up. You're an angry man!
Cut to... Elevator
J.D. is riding with Dr. Cox.
J.D.: I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the whole "it's your baby" thing.
Dr. Cox gives him a look.
J.D.: We'll probably talk about that later.
Dr. Cox: You know I'm--I wasn't even mad at Jordan.
J.D.: No?
Dr. Cox: No, I was scared. In fact, I was freaking out all day, because I'm quite confident that I'm gonna be an absolutely horrible father.
J.D.: You? Come on! You're gonna be a very scary fath--I mean a great...you're gonna be a great father. Like last night, when you totally kicked our asses 'cause we deserved it? And do you remember that time you told me I wasn't the worst resident that ever lived?
Dr. Cox: You mean like eight seconds ago?
J.D.: You have no idea how much that meant to me.
The elevator stops, and they disembark on the first floor.
Dr. Cox: I said I _think_ you may not be the worst resident ever, but I can't be sure of stuff like that. Come on, I haven't done the appropriate leg work!
J.D.: But, Dr. Cox, you're always there when we need you! I think you have this fathering thing down!
They stop on the far side of Admissions, where Dr. Kelso is giving Elliot a stern lecture. They've attracted a bit of an audience.
Colin Hay's "Brilliant Feat" begins.
Dr. Kelso: Why am I not leaving, Dr. Reid? Because I don't want to miss you breaking down and weeping in front of everyone! Oh, here it comes! Great big tears! Great big crocodile tears!
He continues tearing her down, but is drowned out by...
J.D.: [quietly to Dr. Cox] See, if she was your daughter, you'd totally know how to handle it.
Dr. Cox: My God, you're right.
He leaves J.D. and walks over to Dr. Kelso and Elliot.
He socks Dr. Kelso in the face, and the old man goes down.
Dr. Cox pats Elliot on the back.
Dr. Cox: You're doing fine, there, Barbie.
Elliot: [stunned] Thank you?
Dr. Cox: Everybody have a good one! I'm going home to see my son.
He turns and nearly trips over Dr. Kelso, who was knocked right out of his shoes.
Dr. Cox: Whoa, excuse me, there, Bobbo.
He steps over Kelso, who dabs his bloody nose, and continues out.
The camera circles around to the reactions of those gathered. They all stare at Kelso: Turk and Carla, both with their jaws dropped. Elliot, still quite stunned. Ted, giggling hysterically. Nurse Roberts, on the phone...
Nurse Roberts: [on phone] Girl! He hit him right in the nose! Uh-huh! Yeah!
...J.D., somewhat nervous...
J.D.'s Thoughts: That may come up tomorrow....
His beeper goes off, and he heads back to work.
The song fades.
- "My Brilliant Feat" by Colin Hay. Album: 'Transcendental Highway' & 'Going Somewhere'
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