Scrubs 301 My American Girl

He hits a button on the iPod, and U2's "Beautiful Day" blares.
J.D. and Turk head into the building.
Cut to...
HOSPITAL INTERIOR
J.D.'s Narration: As a third-year resident, you know everyone so well you can practically speak for them. For instance....
J.D.'s Thoughts: [speaking for Turk] Remember: No more dancing.
Turk smacks Carla's rear as he passes her.
J.D.'s Thoughts: [speaking for Turk] Pow!
J.D.'s Thoughts: [speaking for Carla] Good morning, Bambi. Sign this, please?
J.D. signs the chart and continues on, where he passes the Janitor standing in the doorway to ADMISSIONS.
J.D.'s Thoughts: [speaking for the Janitor] Who you eyeballing, tough guy?
J.D.'s Narration: And of course....
J.D. stops in front of Dr. Cox.
J.D.'s Thoughts: [speaking for Dr. Cox ] Well, Zsa Zsa. Now you've put me in quite the pickle. You see, with those earphones on, you can't hear me; but! the odds are highly against you cracking open that yapper and annoying me today. So, what to do? What to do? What to do? Ahh, hell--
Cox reaches over and jerks out J.D.'s earphones. The music is gone.
Dr. Cox: Stop addressing me as "Dr. Cox" in front of your patients. When they find out my actual name, they tend to page me with questions when they realize just exactly how inept you really are. Oh, and as an added safety measure, from now on, I'll only be responding to "Doc," "Doctor," "Ceasar," or "The Big Cheese;" and noooo, I'm _not_ joking. [waves his hands] Not _now_ -- [waves in the other direction] not ever.
He shoulder checks J.D. as he leaves.
J.D.'s Narration: See, things never really change around here.

• "Beautiful Day" by U2. Album: 'All That You Can't Leave Behind'

Scrubs 302 My Journey

• "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey. Album: 'Escape'

Scrubs 303 My Dirty Secret

Janitor: Hey, idiot.
J.D. turns around to look at him.
Janitor: [chuckles] I said "idiot" and you looked.
J.D.: I looked because you did the "hey idiot" thing to me, like, six months ago.
Janitor: Did you look then?
J.D.: [pensive pause] Yeah.
Janitor: Heh.
J.D.: You know what? I think you're out of ways to bother me.
Janitor: [a little shaky] No, you're wrong.
J.D.: Think of a way to annoy me right now.
The Janitor thinks about it, opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. J.D. walks off.
J.D.: That's what I thought.

~~*~~

The door opens and Cox comes in, wearing a Red Wings jersey.

Dr. Cox: Ohhhhh, my little newbie-doobie-doo! Say, that whole "telling Jordan how I feel" thing just went terrific, thank you for that. Now I need a place to crash. Where's Naomi's bedroom? [Turk points] Good night, roomies.

He goes off to J.D.'s room.

::..back to top..::

Scrubs 304 My Lucky Night

PARKING LOT -- DUSK
J.D. has on a very tall bike helmet as he prepares to ride home.
Dr. Cox approaches.
Dr. Cox: Just a real nice helmet, there, princess.
J.D.: Actually, it's not a helmet, it's a Hairmet -- it has extra room so you don't mess up your hairdo.
He takes off his Hairmet to show off his still-bouncy tresses.
Dr. Cox reaches for his prescription pad and begins writing.
Dr. Cox: Fair enough. I'm gonna go ahead and write you a prescription for two testicles; and you feel free to get this filled out whenever you want--
He tears off the slip of paper and hands it to J.D.
Dr. Cox: --but right now, I'm goin' after that residency director gig, and you're joining me for a really stupid board member meet-and-greet.
J.D.: Will you write my recommendation?
Dr. Cox: Oh, hell no!
J.D.: Goodbye.
He shoves his helmet back on.
Dr. Cox: Oh, gimme a break! I'll write whatever you want! Just...we gotta go.
J.D.: Okay, fine. Lemme just fix my hair. Oh, wait!
He removes his Hairmet with a grand flourish.
J.D.: I don't have to!
Dr. Cox: Oh, good God!

::..back to top..::

Scrubs 305 My Brother, Where Art Thou

HOSPITAL -- EXTERIOR, EVENING
Dr. Cox exits the hospital, ready to go home.
Dan, who'd been waiting just outside the door, catches up with him.
Dan: Hey, Dr. Cox.
Dr. Cox: Oh, here I'd been told you left. It made me happy.
Dan: Yeah, you don't like me. People don't like me. You know why? I'm a [does air quotes] screw-up; [more air quotes] always have been. [chuckles] For instance, when we were kids, Mom would always make me walk Johnny to school first day every year. Every year, I'd walk him to the wrong school! [laughing] Just 'cause!
Dr. Cox: Boy, that's a great story, really. And I'm sure you were just a horrible big brother--
Dan: Well...
Dr. Cox: --but I'm afraid you have me confused with somebody who gives a crap. And it's okay, you don't need to be embarrassed, turns out it happens all the time. For instance, my father actually made the same mistake on his death bed.
Dan: Hey, listen, Dr. Cox: No offense, I'm a big fan of the tough-guy act, but let me tell you what I really think. I think you love the fact that these kids idolize you. Johnny does! Johnny was always the one in the family we knew was going someplace -- sweet kid, smart kid. Becoming a doctor, this is all he ever wanted; and yet, somehow, you've found a way to beat that out of him, haven't you? Turned him into some cynical guy who seems to despise what he does.
Dr. Cox, Johnny's never gonna look up to me. Ever. But he hangs on your every word. So, I'm askin' -- I'm telling you -- take that responsibility seriously; stop being such a hard-ass, otherwise you're gonna have to answer to me.
J.D.'s Narration: Love can give you strength you never knew you had.
Dan: It was good seeing you, Dr. Cox.
He holds out his hand.
Cox, most sincere, shakes it, sealing their deal.
Dr. Cox: Good to see you, Dan. All the best.
Dr. Cox continues out to his car.
Dan finally exhales.
J.D.'s Narration: Love can also give you courage.

::..back to top..::

Scrubs 306 My Advice to You

ELEVATOR
J.D. is riding with a young blonde woman soon to be known as Danni. Danni looks exceptionally like Tara Reid.
J.D.'s Thoughts: I guess people can surprise you.
Danni: We'd still die.
J.D.: We'd still what?
Danni: If the elevator cable snapped, even if we timed it out perfectly and jumped up right before impact, we'd still be crushed to death. I wish I'd taken the stairs.
J.D.: Me too.
Danni: Sorry, sometimes I just have this inner monologue running through my head.
J.D.'s Thoughts: Inner monologue? Weirdo!
The elevator stops and the doors open.
J.D.: That's my floor.
He steps out.
Danni: Lucky bastard.

~~*~~

PARKING LOT
J.D.'s Narration: No one knew her last name, no one even remembered seeing her. I started to wonder if Danni was even real. I guess that's the thing about life. You don't really--
Danni: Hey, J.D.
J.D.: Excuse me!
J.D.'s Narration: --You don't really get many second chances.
J.D.: Oh! Danni! Hi! I'm sorry, sometimes I have this inner monologue running through my head.
Danni: Oh.
Danni's Thoughts: Weirdo!

::..back to top..::

Scrubs 307 My 15 Seconds

J.D.: You know, I hit my head so hard I actually saw cartoon birds. Then I realized I was in Pediatrics and it was just the wallpaper! Ha!
Dr. Cox: Stunning. Look, Tammy, as far as your love life goes, normally I couldn't care less who's laying your quivering body down by the fire while your lips whisper "No, no...no" but your eyes scream, "Yes. Yes. Oh, big daddy, yes!" But when you're dating Jordan's sissy-poo, it forces me to spend time with you outside of the hospital, and I just won't have that. So, hhhere's the deal: Don't want to have dinner with you. Don't want to go bowling with you. And I never, ever again want to walk into my kitchen and hear you say, [singing] "Ohh, it's waffle time! It's waffle time! Won't you have some waffles of mine?"
J.D.: [joining in] "...waffles of mine..."
Dr. Cox: Bottom line: We'll be bestest friends foreverest if you just keep your face out of my face. Uh-huh.

~~*~~

J.D.: Those two are like best friends now, huh?
Turk: I know. I wonder what it was that made them so tight?
***FANTASY: A CHiPs FAN CONVENTION
Elliot and Carla run into each other.
Carla: Elliot! What are you doing here?
Elliot: I'm, uh, just meeting some friends here for drinks.
Carla: Yes! Me too! Friends.
They just about get away with that until the star of the show, Erik Estrada in his CHiPs uniform, wanders by.
Erik Estrada: Hey.
Together: PONCH!!!!
Erik Estrada: Damn. I still got it.
He walks off, and Carla and Elliot squeal and jump up and down.
****
Turk: Wait a second, dude, wa--that was us.
J.D.: I know.
Together: Greatest night ever!!!
They laugh excitedly for a moment, then straighten up, embarrassed.

~~*~~

Dr. Kelso is on the phone as Ted the Lawyer comes in.
Dr. Kelso: [on phone] Yes, Enid, I hear Baxter growling, but the fact is you ventured into his side of the house. ... Baring his teeth, huh? ... Okay, now here's what you do. ... Are you ready? ... Make a sudden move!
He holds the phone from his ear as vicious snarls and barks mingle with a woman shrieking on the other end.
Dr. Kelso: [chuckling] Ahhh, those two!

~~*~~

The Janitor stops Dr. Kelso.
Janitor: Hey, Dr. Kelso. Hey. Dr. Kelso. Uh, I don't know if you heard or not, but Bernice, the lady who does the PA announcements usually, she just got hit by a bus, and, um, I was on the speech team in high school...
From Dr. Kelso's perspective, the Janitor tells a garbled tale of his history.
Janitor: ...so, anyway, I was thinking that maybe from now on, I could do the announcements. You know, just until Bernice gets back on her...foot.
Dr. Kelso mulls the best answer to give in his situation of uncertainty.
Dr. Kelso: Splendid!
He goes on and the Janitor smiles.

~~*~~

J.D.'s Thoughts: Dr. Cox seems to be having fun...but I think I know why.
***FANTASY: Instead of moles, what Dr. Cox aims at are little J.D. heads.
Dr. Cox: Ohh, ooh! Whack a newbie! Whack a newbie! Whack a newbie! Ohh! Ohhh!
Newbie Heads: Missed me! Ha! Ha!
Dr. Cox: Whack a newbie! Ohh, there you are! Ohh, there you are! Oh, come here! Ohh!
Newbie Heads: Oww! Oww!! Owww!
Dr. Cox: Ohhhhhhhh, whack a newbie!!! Whack a--
****
Jordan: Perry.
He stops whacking at the finished game.
Jordan: It's over.
Dr. Cox: Sorry.

~~*~~

The Janitor prepares for his first announcement. He flips on the mic.
Janitor: Dr. Tushy, you're needed in the OR.
Meanwhile...
I.C.U> -- NURSES' STATION
Dr. Tushy heads off.
Janitor: [over PA] Nice name, buddy. Beat up in high school much?

~~*~~

J.D.'s Narration: Sometimes the best thing to do is just to say exactly what's in your heart.
J.D.: I'm sorry I puked on your shoes.
Danni: I'm sorry I wore sandals.

~~*~~

Dr. Kelso follows behind Turk, who speaks to the other staffers.
Turk: [loud and chipper] All right, people, listen up: Dr. Kelso has ruptured both his eardrums. You could say whatever you want to him as long as you got a smile on your face! HOLLA!
Dr. Cox: Bob! You stupid motherf--[garbled].
Todd: [garbled]
Carla: [garbled]
Dr. Kelso: [chuckles] Thanks for the kind words, gang!

~~*~~

Janitor: [on PA] Dr. Dorian, Dr. Turk is free for his rectal exam. He said you'd know what that means.
J.D. and Turk give each other a horrified look, and run off in opposite directions.

~~*~~

Dr. Cox sits in the vacant room, reading a letter.
J.D.'s Narration: Dear Dr. Cox, I think it's important that you know how much I care for Danni, and how hurt I was by your attempt to sabotage our relationship.
Dr. Cox, exasperated, stops reading and looks at J.D. who is standing right next to him.
Dr. Cox: Oh, de-de-de--isn't it enough that I'm reading it!?
J.D.: Oh, I'm sorry.
There's a flush from the bathroom, and Jill Tracy emerges.
Jill: Always fun to be in the bathroom listening to people talk so clearly, you're sure they just heard you pee. You did, didn't you.
J.D.: You start and stop a lot.
Dr. Cox: Lovely. Here.
He shoves the letter back to J.D. and stands, the 15-second timer popping up.
Dr. Cox: Uh, actually there's great news, uh, Ms. Tracy: We're sending you home. Although, I sure wish we could have figured out how that stuff got introduced into your system to begin with. But sometimes in medicine you have to just chalk it up to life's great mysteries, like crop circles or this gal's Adam's apple.
J.D.: I'm a girl, that's original.
Jill: Hey, you guys, I just want to say, if I don't see you again, thanks and take care.
Dr. Cox: You be well, darlin'.
Time's up.
Dr. Cox: I'll see you next time.

~~*~~

J.D. arrives and takes the vacant seat next to Perry.
J.D.: Hey, everybody. This place has dynamite lamb.
Danni: What are you doing here?
Dr. Cox: I called him. Lookit, after shooting my mouth off the other night I've been feeling a lot of...well....
Jordan: Guilt.
Dr. Cox: No. Not that.
J.D.: Guilt?
Dr. Cox: Yes, that.
Jordan: Ugh.
Dr. Cox: I...I don't like her to be right.

~~*~~

Jordan: Oh, come on. You know what? I hope you guys listen better to your patients.
J.D.'s Narration: And for some reason, right then, we both knew how those pesticides had gotten in our patient's system.
***FLASHBACK: INTERACTION WITH JILL TRACY
Jill: Lucky for me, I couldn't pay my rent this month.
***
Dr. Cox: Say, that's some rock. When's the big day?
Jill: Oh, me? No, no, never -- my fiancé dumped me.
***
Jill: I honestly can't remember the last time anyone was this nice to me.
***
Jill: Hey, you guys, I just want to say, if I don't see you again, thanks and take care.
***END FLASHBACK
J.D. and Dr. Cox stare at each other.
J.D.: She did it to herself.
Dr. Cox: We gotta go.
They quickly get up from the table and leave, Dr. Cox stopping only to give Jordan a quick peck on the cheek.
Meanwhile...
HOSPITAL
Jill is walking out.
J.D.'s Narration: I guess the problem with only listening to a patient for fifteen seconds is, sometimes you don't hear everything...and when you finally realize what they were trying to say, you might've lost them forever.
HOSPITAL ENTRANCE
J.D. and Dr. Cox stop Jill in the parking lot.
J.D.: Ms. Tracy.
Jill: Hey, guys!
J.D.: We need to talk.
Jill: About what?
Dr. Cox: How _have_ things been going lately?
Jill: Okay? Why, uh--
Their concerned faces prompt the truth.
Jill: Ahhh. Actually it has, uh, been a couple of rough months.
She chokes up, and the two doctors guide her back into the hospital.
Dr. Cox: Come on, Jill. Come on.
J.D.'s Narration: You can never underestimate the importance of listening.
Cut to...
PA BOOTH
The Janitor begins another announcement.
Janitor: [on PA] A quick note for all my comatose listeners out there: all your lovers have moved on. But, if it's any consolation, my sources tell me they're happy. Well, snooze, you lose. In other news--
Dr. Kelso bursts in.
Dr. Kelso: Get off that thing.
J.D.'s Narration: Listening can effect your career.
Ted the Lawyer catches up to Kelso.
Lawyer: There you are, you deaf bastard! I hate you so much, every time you utter my name, I wanna stick my fist all the way down your throat and watch you slowly choke on it!
Dr. Kelso: Ted, I can hear now.
Lawyer: Who's Ted?
J.D.'s Narration: Listening can even mend a friendship.
Cut to...
I.C.U.
Elliot and Carla treat a patient.
Elliot: Carla, could you go get--- You know what, forget it.
Carla: No, doctor, just tell me what you need. I'll do it.
Elliot: Just give him one gram of Ancef for prophylaxis.
Carla smiles and goes to fill out the order. Elliot looks relieved to have her friend and partner back.
J.D.'s Narration: Ultimately, it keeps you in the moment...so you don't miss the things that really matter.

::..back to top..::

Scrubs 308 My Friend the Doctor

Dr. Cox walks along with Doug, his arm around the kid's shoulder.
Dr. Cox: [chuckles] So you're saying your mom made you pancakes this morning, and you didn't even know that it was pancake day in the cafeteria? [chucking] You get outta here!
They arrive at the Station, where Carla is working.
Doug: [giggling] And the craziest thing--
Dr. Cox: No, I'm serious, Nervous Guy: Get outta here!
Doug runs off whimpering.

~~*~~

J.D. passes the Janitor.
Janitor: [Cockney accent] Evenin' governor!
J.D. doesn't respond.
Janitor: [Cockney] Hey, what's up your bum?
J.D.: You know why I wanted that to be you in 'The Fugitive'? Because it would mean you used to be a guy who had dreams and ambitions; and even though things didn't work out the way you'd hoped, at least it would explain why you are the way you are and...make you human. But instead, it turns out you're nothing more than a...a jerk who just likes to mess with people for no reason.
He starts to continue down the hall, but the Janitor assumes the pose of the movie cop.
Janitor: "Kimball!"
J.D. raises his eyebrows.
Janitor: You tell anybody, I'll kill ya.
Just then, another doctor comes up to the Janitor, patting him on the shoulder.
Doctor: Goodnight, Efrem!
Janitor: Goo-goo-goo-goodnight...doctor.
J.D.'s Narration: Some people hide from who they really are.
J.D.'s Narration: Others eventually accept who they are.
J.D.'s Narration: But sometimes it's the tough moments that help you realize who you've finally become.

::..back to top..::

Scrubs 311 My Clean Break

LECTURE ROOM
J.D., Turk, Doug, Elliot, Todd, and a few other residents sit in student desks, looking slightly bored.
J.D. gazes out the window at a person flying a kite.
J.D.: I hate missing practice.
Turk: Me too.
Turk & J.D.: [doing their salute] Mighty Kiiiiites!
Dr. Cox enters.
Dr. Cox: Morning, class. As residency director, it is my pleasure to have both Surgical and Medical personnel here with us today. In fact, in this room we have enough brain power to light up a city! Not a real city, mind you, but definitely a tiny ant city whose government has recently passed a series of stringent energy conservation laws!
Doug: [quietly to J.D.] Stringent what?
J.D.: "Stringent updoc".
Doug puts that in his notes but, puzzled, raises his hand.
J.D.: [to Turk] It's happening.
Dr. Cox: Yes, Nervous Guy?
Doug: What's "updoc"?
The class cracks up laughing.

~~*~~

Dr. Cox: First off, let me just say...thank you. For the last couple of months I have been adrift in a sea of puppy dogs, lollipops, and, let's face it, mediocre metaphors. Luckily, you people were kind enough to piss all over learning a procedure that could determine whether some poor sucker lives or dies. And that reminded me of something that I wanted to remind _you_ of. Because, you see, I am accountable. I am accountable for the continuous, crashing, undeniable amateurism that you people drag into this hospital day in and day out.
And believe you me when I tell you that the next time one of you perpetual disappointments doesn't even have the common decency to try and do better at something you supposedly _do_? I will go ahead and toss your sorry ass outta here in about ten seconds and then I will forget you forever in the next five.

~~*~~

J.D.: Just tell me why.
Danni: Your cell phone wasn't turned off.
J.D.: What?
Danni: When you called me.
***FLASHBACK: NURSES' STATION
J.D.'s telephone conversation with Danni.
J.D.: [on phone] Actually I'm swamped, Danni. Sorry, I gotta go.
He hits the button on his phone and sticks it in his pocket.
Unfortunately, it didn't actually shut off, so Danni heard everything that followed.
J.D.: [from phone] Elliot, what's wrong?
Elliot: [from phone] Oh.... Forget it, you're busy.
J.D.: [from phone] Come on! I always have time for you!
***
J.D.: That stupid phone! You know, that's the same way Turk found out I collect scarves!
He notices the scarf around Danni's neck.
J.D.'s Thoughts: Ooooh!
Danni: J.D.--
J.D.: Sorry.
Danni: --you're still not over Elliot. And until you are, no one's ever gonna have a chance to get close to you. Right?
He stares at her, unable to answer.
Danni: That silence? That's you breaking up with me.
Melancholy music comes up as she gives him a sad look and goes down the stairs towards the parking lot.
He watches after her, then...
J.D.'s Thoughts: Hey! I finally broke up with someone!
The music suddenly turns very happy as J.D. does a little victory dance.
He stops when Danni turns back to give a wave goodbye, and the sentimental music resumes as he returns the gesture.
Then the jazzy music switches right back as he continues his victory dance.

::..back to top..::

Scrubs 312 My Catalyst

I.C.U. -- NURSES' STATION
Dr. Cox is there, with Nurse Roberts behind the desk, and we're put back to audience perspective.
J.D.: Dr. Cox? I could use a little help.
Dr. Cox: Beyoncé, you could use a lot of help. But, hey, we all have to play the hand the Big Guy dealt us. You know, unless you're lucky enough to have those insanely over-hyped 'Queer Eye' guys show up at your door, but I doubt even they have the brass ones necessary to fix whatever the hell this is.
He gestures at J.D.'s hair.
J.D.: Yeah, if you wanna use the appearance angle to knock down my self-esteem, best to do it on a day when my hair doesn't look awesome! I know -- it's new wax.
Nurse Roberts: What is?
J.D.: It's okay to want a piece!
Dr. Cox yawns.
J.D. presents a chart to him.
J.D.: I just want you to check out Mrs. Barlow's chart; I'm always second-guessing myself when it comes to interstitial lung diseases.
Dr. Cox: Oh, then you should definitely handle this yourself, there, Britney.
I'm going with female pop stars today.
The point is that back when I was a resident, I had all sorts of trouble with metabolic diseases. You know what I did? I grabbed every case I could get my hands on until I had it down pat.
J.D.: Got it.
...You really had trouble with metabolic diseases?
Dr. Cox: Noo.... I'm a good doctor.
J.D.: Oh.
Dr. Cox: [handing the chart back] Here you go.

~~*~~

Dr. Cox: You know, Carla, I gotta say your--your makeup today does not in any way make you look like a desperate bowling alley prostitute.
Carla: What's with the sweet talk?

~~*~~

Doug: I'm sorry, J.D., I just don't think pirates are cool.
J.D.: Well then you're not cool, Doug!

::..back to top..::

Scrubs 313 My Porcelain God

J.D.: What's wrong?
Elliot: Kevin left. Didn't even say goodbye.
J.D.: Elliot, he didn't say goodbye to a lot of people. Just me, Dr. Cox, Carla, Doug, Snoop Dogg Intern...
At the next table, a young doctor who does look a bit like Snoop Doggy Dogg looks up.
Snoop Dogg Intern: Where my hos at?
J.D.: I haven't seen them.

• "A Murder of One" by Counting Crows. Album: 'August and Everything After'

::..back to top..::

Scrubs 314 My Screw Up

J.D.: Will there be a pinata? Beause I need to know if I should bring my pinata helmet.
Jordon irritated that this isn't being taken seriously.
Jordon: Hup-pah-bah! Would you zip it nerd? The only reason I invited you is
because, for some reason, you have your own Sponge-Bob Squarepants costume.
Explaining as though it was no fault of his own.
J.D.: It was a gift.
J.D.'s Narration: From me to me.

~~*~~

Mr. Taylor: So should I be worried about the old ticker?
J.D.: Oh Mr. Taylor. Let me worry about that for you.
J.D.'s Narration: <Screaming in a panicky voice with bugged out eyes> Oh my god! He's gonna die!

~~*~~

J.D.: Dr. Cox.
Cox: <Picks up a chart off the desk and turns to face JD> What's the matter with you there Sheila? You look like Maybeline just went belly up.
J.D.: Twenty minutes after you left he went into cardiac arrest. We tried to resuscitate him, but there was nothing we could do. I'm sorry.
Ben: Whoa man. Bummer.
Cox: This shouldn't have happened.
J.D.'s Narration: Guilt's a funny thing. It can lead to denial.
Cox: Kid screwed up.
Ben: No he didn't. He told you he has way too many patients, he's swamped.
Cox turns to face Ben.
Cox: The kid screwed up.
Ben: Okay. <Yells out in the direction that J.D. left> Darn kid!
J.D.'s Narration: Guilt can lead to compromise.

~~*~~

J.D.'s Narration: But as a doctor, you are around death so much you get used to the guilt. And
you learn how not to let it keep you from affecting your personal relationships.
Cox and Ben walks up behind JD.
Ben: Brace yourself.
Cox: What are you still doing here?
J.D.: I'm on call tonight.
Cox: Not anymore. I'm taking all your patients.
J.D.: So wait. You think this was my fault?
Ben: Hey, this is an emotional situation. So, why don't you go easy on the kid?
Cox: It was your fault. Now get the hell out.
J.D. not wanting to get into a fight right now, complies and leaves quietly.
Ben: Well that was good. That was good listening.
Cox: Kev.
Ben: Yup.

~~*~~

Ben comes over to stand where Carla was.
Ben: You know what you should do?
Cox: Aw. Why are you here?
J.D. comes up to Cox and Ben.
J.D.: Dr. Cox. Can I talk to you for a second?
Cox: Hey, hey, Val. You know, you know what's funny? Ever since I started taking care of your patients not one of them has died.
J.D.: Look. You want to be mad at me, that's fine. I get it. Okay. But Jordon called. And she wants to make sure you show this afternoon.
Ben: Oh. Right. That thing. Put us down for Ben plus one.
Cox: I'm not going anywhere. So beat it.
J.D. leaves.

~~*~~

Ben: Can we go now?
Cox: No.
Ben: How about now?
Cox: No. Look as a rule of thumb I don't attend parties where the guest of honor has no
idea what's going on.
Ben: That's not true. Remember back when you and Jordon first got married, and we went to go see senile old Grandpa Horty for his ninety fifth birthday party? Remember he kept trying to get the coat-check girl thrown out because she was loyal to the Kaiser. <Cox and Ben can't help but laugh at the memory>
Cox: Benny, I appreciate your concern, but you just don't understand.
Ben: What don't I understand?
Cox: Well do you see all these people here? This is not some kind of senior citizens slumber party. I mean if it was, I would have already put Mr. Foredom's hand in a nice bowl of warm water. But god bless him, he's going to go ahead and wet the bed anyway. My, my point is, is that if I'm not here, people die.
Ben: *mocking* If I'm not here, people die.
Cox: *laughs* Come on!
Ben: Listen why don't you just let me take this little mental breakdown of yours. I'm going to put it right here, in my pocket. And that way you can piss off for the afternoon, and you can let one of the other nine-thousand other doctors around here take care of things for you.
Cox: So you haven't noticed that my supporting cast in this theater of hell, is a veritable who's who of incompetent puppets.

~~*~~

Ben: One more thing.
Cox: Oh, come on.
With Cox leading off Ben stomps in synch behind him in a playful manner.
Men's locker room.
Ben leads Cox into the lockers, where a shower is running.
Ben: You've got to forgive him.
At this moment JD steps out of the shower wearing a towel. He drops the towel, revealing he
is wearing a pair of shorts underneath. Both Cox and Ben look at him puzzled.
J.D.: What? They're my shower shorts.

~~*~~

Cox: Look I just want to say. That what happened. Wasn't your fault. And I'm sorry.
J.D.: Thanks. I really needed to hear that.
Ben: Good. Fun. Let's get dressed and go.
Cox: Shower Shorts?
J.D.: For the man who has nothing to hide. But still wants to.
Cox reaction to this is to repeatedly pound his fist against the nearest locker in disbelief.
J.D.'s Narration: Acceptance can take a lot of different forms.
Kelso's office. Kelso is putting on a tie. Ted is behind him in suit and coat talking on a cell phone.
J.D.'s Narration: Whether it's accepting that it's okay to show your soft side every once in a
while.
Ted: Well its official. Chris left the band.
Kelso: Well Ted, you know what I think? Good riddance to him. You'll find another tenor.
Ted: Thank you sir.
Kelso: If you don't, who cares? You all stink anyway.
Ted hangs his head dejectedly at the last.
Apartment
Turk is putting on a tie as well, with Carla in a dress standing across from him.
J.D.'s Narration: Or accepting someone you love for just the way they are.
Turk: Can you tie my tie, Mrs. Espinoza?
Turk stands in front of Carla. Carla focuses on his face.
Fantasy Sequence
Camera shot zooms in on the mole where it again has the eyes and mouth.
Turk's mole: Answer him!
End Fantasy Sequence
Carla looks a bit taken back, but recovers quickly and pulls Turk closer and give him a deliberate kiss on the upper part of his lip. Right where the mole is located. They both giggle.
Turk: You just kissed my mole.
Carla: Mmm-hmm.
She helps Turk with his tie with a smile.
Field
Cox and Ben are walking side by side. Cox has a suit and tie on. He still hasn't shaved but he looks no worse for wear. Ben is still wearing the same clothes as before.
Cox: So how come you don't have to get all dressed up?
Ben: I am dressed up. You see any holes in these pants?
Cox: No.
Ben: I'm glad you made it. Listen. There is one more thing you have to do for me.
Cox and Ben both stop walking and face each other.
Cox: You can't keep me from getting drunk.
Ben: You have to forgive yourself for everything that went down the other day.
Cox: *Laughs* You are so annoying.
Ben: Yeah.
Cox: Okay.
Ben: Good.
'Winter' by Joshua Radin begins to play
Cox: Now where is your camera? Aren't, aren't you going to take some pictures?
J.D. in a suit and tie, steps up behind Cox.
J.D.: Pictures of what?
Cox: You know. Crying babies. Covered in chocolate. People singing happy birthday to my son, who've never even met him before. You know, the whole routine.
J.D.: Where do you think we are?
Cox turns back around but Ben is longer there. Cox has now come to acceptance. He walks across the field in silence with JD next to him. As camera follows them, we realize theyare in a cemetery, for Ben's funeral.
J.D. and Cox are the first to arrive and take their seats at the front. Gradually Jordan and Danni arrive and take their seats. The rest of the funeral attendees show up to pay their respects and mourn. Seated behind J.D., Cox, Jordon and Danni in the rows behind we can see Kelso, Carla, Turk, Elliot, Ted, Laverne, and various other hospital staff. The camera pans over to the coffin where a priest reads last rites out of a bible to the gathered. Sitting on the coffin is a large picture of Ben (probably one from his collection but blown up to dignified proportions).
J.D.'s Narration: But in the end, the most important thing to accept, is that no matter how alone you feel, how painful it may be, with the help of those around you, you'll get through this too.
Cox breathes heavily and Jordon put a comforting arm around his shoulders from his left.
J.D. gives him a reassuring grip on his right shoulder. Cox tries to hold the tears and grief in, but it's quite an effort.
Rest in peace Ben.

• "Winter" by Josh Radin. Album: 'First Between 3rd & 4th'

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Scrubs 315 My Tormented Mentor

Dr. Cox enters, flipping on the light.
Jordan: Oh, would you turn off the lights? The baby doesn't know I'm here.
He leaves the light on.
Jordan: Doesn't matter. Likes the nanny better than me anyway.
Dr. Cox: Me too.
Hey, are your friends still in town because I've been wallowing in self pity and you need somebody to take care...of you?
Jordan: I miss Ben.
He joins her on the couch and wraps his arms around her.
Dr. Cox: Me too. God, me too.

• "I'm With You" by Avril Lavigne. Album: 'Let Go'

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Scrubs 316 My Butterfly

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