Public Domain Comedy!

I’ve just learned the Wonders of Public Domain Comedy! What is PDC, you ask? Read on my friends:

Welcome!

It’s ten degrees funnier inside.

Congratulations on entering the Public Domain Comedy Guide.

Before we begin, though, you should all take the Public Domain Comedy Oath:

I, (state your name), do solemnly swear to uphold the good name of Public Domain Comedy as fervently as I possibly can. I promise to use my comedy loudly in public places, thereby giving my material to others as freely as others gave my material to me. I promise to laugh loudly when others engage in a showing of Public Domain Comedy, thereby encouraging them in their quest to be funny and additionally showing others within earshot that Public Domain Comedy actually works. And finally, I promise not to use my Public Domain Comedy for monetary profit of any kind. To do so would be wrong and may guarentee me Middle Act status at any number of comedy clubs across the Midwest.

There! Now you’re in!

Do you feel funnier? You will!

Here’s a FAQ:

“What is Public Domain Comedy?”

Well, Billy, “Public Domain Comedy” can be defined as any joke or wisecrack that at one time in history was funny and original but has now been so absorbed into the mainstream that it is constantly accessed by even the most unfunny of people.

Did you know …?

That you have already had an opportunity to engage in Public Domain Comedy on this page? Did you spot it? Did you do it?

Well, if you, when taking the pledge, instead of actually stating your name said the phrase “State your name” and then chuckled to yourself …

Congratulations! You just dabbled in Public Domain Comedy!

You see, the “State Your Name” PD Joke was many years ago a funny and fairly original gag from the Bill Murray film, “Stripes.” However, the joke was a) funny enough and b) easy enough for most people to remember so that it disseminated itself throughout the schools, courtrooms and VFW halls across this fine land of ours.

And now that you know what it is …

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Let’s learn some!

Chapter One: The Movies

Thanks to George Lucas and his sound enhancing invention THX, one of the most popular and surefire laughgetters for the non-pro is only a movie ticket away.

The “Turn It Up” Gag

Once the THX sound swell has reached its ear-splitting peak and faded out to silence, the adroit Public Domainer will yell out at the top of his lungs, “Turn it up!” Big laughs from fellow audience members are guarenteed.

Best delivery conditions: If the audience cheers the loudness level of the sound swell, the joke will land more solidly than an Olympic long jumper hitting a freshly raked pit of sand, provided the PDer waits until the cheers just begin to fade.

Worst delivery conditions: If the sound in the theater is actually not loud enough. In these cases, the joke can be misinterpreted as a complaint and, well, nobody likes a complainer. Use your judgement. A good PDer is always ready to analyse a comedy situation and react accordingly.

The “The Audience is Listening” Gag

When underneath the THX logo the phrase “The Audience is Listening” appears, the acting-enabled PDer will say in a questioning voice, “What?” Hearty chuckles and approving smiles from surrounding audience members can be counted on. (You may even receive validation from Neo-Luddites in the audience who feel that your joke was a strike against The Man for all this Surround Sound technology – see, sometimes PD Comedy can make you look smart too.)

Best delivery conditions: The louder the THX sound swell, the better this joke will hit. This is also a performance-dependent gag, so any rehearsal time spent refining your delivery will not be time poorly spent.

Worst delivery conditions: Same as “Turn It Up” gag. No one likes a whiner.

For more, go here:

http://members.aol.com/heyhiboy/guide.html

Propaganda and "Fahrenheit 9/11"

A shout out to my friend Bobby for this awesome Dennis Miller quote:

“He’s going to wake up every day for the rest of his life, and he’s going to tell us how he hates everything about this country except his right to hate it. And then we say that we love it and he’s going to tell us what naive sheep we are and that he’s a true patriot because he hates it and sees all the problems in it. Yeah, right, Mike. You know something, if my yawn got any bigger they’d have to assigne it a hurricane name, okay?
Michael Moore simultaneously represents everything I detest in a human being and everything I feel obligated to defend in an American. Quite simply, it is that moron’s right to be that utterly, completely wrong.”

Michael Moore’s famous last words: http://www.filmrot.com/articles/filmrot_news/004671.php

‘Fahrenheit 9/11’ Keeps R Rating, Widens Debut
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=598&e=1&u=/nm/20040622/film_nm/leisure_fahrenheit911_dc

Unfairenheit 9/11
The lies of Michael Moore.
By Christopher Hitchens
http://slate.msn.com/id/2102723

positive review (just to be fair)
http://www.joblo.com/fahrenheit911.htm

Before everyone jumps on the propaganda bandwagon known as (ripped off from Ray Bradbury http://www.taipeitimes.com/News/world/archives/2004/06/20/2003175831) Fahrenheit 9/11, take a look at this information on the mis-information being forced down the throats of people everywhere that will now claim to be the smartest voters on the planet:

Bush family – Bin Laden family ties. Whoopee. The bin Ladens happen to be one enormous clan. When the founder died in 1988, he left no fewer than 54 children (some say 53 — heck, he himself may not have kept count.). Add in grandkids, in-laws, and cousins, and it must make for a heck of a big family reunion.

The founder emigrated to Saudi Arabia early in the 20th century, founded the construction firm, was hired to rebuild Mecca, and got a lock on all religious construction in a very religious country. Most of the family is western-leaning, and send their children to the U.S. for an education. Osama went in for fanaticism, was disowned by the family, and fled the country in 1992 after the Saudis ordered him arrested.
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/binladen/who/family.html

The Carlyle Group. Yep, it’s one big business, reportedly worth over three billion, lots projects in the Mideast. Both Bushes were tied in with Carlyle pretty thoroughly, and Bush, Sr. in retirement would travel to Saudi Arabia to hunt up more contracts. The bin Laden family invested two million in a $1.3 billion fund run by it.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/wtccrash/story/0%2C1300%2C583869%2C00.html

The airplane. About two dozen bin Laden kids were attending school in the U.S. on 9/11. They started calling the Saudi embassy, in fear they were about to be lynched (a not unreasonable fear — a few days later a Sikh was murdered, simply because he wore a turban.) The ambassador intervened (with White House, State, or FBI — accounts vary. They “were driven or flown under FBI supervision” to a location in the US. As CBS reported, then “they left the country on a private charter plane when airports reopened three days after the attacks.”
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2001/09/30/archive/main313048.shtml

http://www.mooreexposed.com/paranoia.html

Song: Hidden Track

Artist: Relient K
Album: Two Lefts…

Pepperoni!

And it was all just a dream…

Ho!

I’m the confused necklace I keep getting restless,
Eating twenty pounds of ‘psgetti for breakfast,
Still showing up on your ten best dressed list,
I told you my name is MC Defenseless.

Duct tape wrapped around my feet,
Held hostage before the big track meet,
Fourteen feet from 18th Street,
I know for a fact that you think I’m neat.

Yo’, You stick around like a fly on the wall,
With surround sound you found you hear it all,
When it all comes through I heard you say sup’ dude

(I wonder what ever gave him that excuse)

And all the king’s horses and all the king’s men,
Took all the king’s credit and they started to spend,
And all on the wife, it’s such a tragedy man.

(you’re living with your auntie and your uncle in Bel-Air)

Ladies and gentleman, the worst freestyle rapper ever!

Um, uh, uh, give me a second. Uh, shoot. Uh, alright here we go.

If apples are green, and carrots are orange, and then we go and then you go… wait…
what rhymes with orange? Ah geez I really am bad. Um, just give.. gimme a second…

Nah man, you’re done.

Who’s that wearin’ those silly shoes?
We are wearin’ those silly shoes!

Well I really hate those silly shoes.
Well we really like our silly shoes!

Please stop wearin’ those silly shoes!
We won’t stop wearin’ our silly shoes!
(They’re just shoes, man!)

Well I’ve learned to respect your silly shoes.
And respect for you is somethin’ we won’t lose!

Can I try on a pair of your silly shoes?
Man, quit talkin’ about those silly shoes.

You say I’m boring, but I say hardly
(We’re gonna have a pizza party!)

And it was all just a dream…

…Forever

…Snakes

Beach Party and Harry Potter 3

Saw Harry Potter and the Prizoner of Azkaban on Friday morning at 12:01am. It was really good. I wasn’t really surprised by that, I thought it would be. I saw it with a great group of people.

Hit the beach yesterday. ROCK!

Got BangTheBucket.com Window Clings! Need a car for mine.

Lots of people showed up, and we ate lots of burgers, played some Ultimate Frisbee, and Threw around a football, a frisbee, and a volleyball, all simultaneously.

Laura Neiser showed up. Haven’t seen her since 2003. She was at my table on the fall Antioch Muskegon retreat. Such an awesome person. Hope she’s on team on a future retreat. She has a way with words that can put things in perspective, and make things work. She’s one of the most memorable candidates I’ve had at my table. So reserved, yet so kind, and a strong person, but very faithful. If she’s reading this, she’s probably got tears in her eyes..that’s cool, she’s like that, which is awesome. She sees the beauty in things.

What this [blog] is for

This is my place for 2 things: sharing stuff that I think or hope that others will enjoy. Songs, jokes, and the like. And for the occasional vent. I type words because it’s easier for me to express myself with text. I’m not a very quick thinker, except when it comes to a joke or something. Even then, it is calculated. I just find my written word to be far more eloquent than my spoken word, and to have the ability to express exactly what it is that I am feeling or going through.

Speaking of this, my post on drinking was because I was ticked off. It’s not just the example that people are setting, it’s also the consequences of the actions. I have seen alcohol destroy lives, make lives miserable, and tear families apart. I’ve seen the worst it can do, leaving a family of seven alone with their mother, people waking up, not knowing where they were or what they did. People scared that they might have done something that they shouldn’t have, and fearing that they’ll have to pay for it. I don’t want anyone that I care about to end up lying in a ditch, a gutter, or hurt in some way. Recently, we talked about Anger at Antioch in Muskegan. Rational, Irrational, Passive, Aggressive, Assertive, Conscious. I’m not sure what other types there were or if I even have the categories right here. All I know is, when Jesus went into the temple, and was angry, it was many forms of anger. What I expressed was one. When I type in this, it’s off the cuff, whatever comes, comes. The views expressed here reflect my feelings at the moment, and at that time, I was frustrated. Too many people put their lives on the line, and don’t think twice about it. I hate going to bed worrying about whether or not my friends will make it home or be safe. It scares me to death. The thing is, I don’t know how to approach people that I look up to and respect in a lot of ways about something like this. I guess that is something that I need to learn about, but I make no apologies for my earlier statements. There were and are my opinions on the matters of drinking. I’ve made no secret about it in the past, and I’m not about to start now.

The choices we make dictate the lives we lead.