Let’s Talk About Modesty

My friend Ashley posed this question in her blog:

Truly, what is the fascination with girls who have these retarded pics of themselves half-naked or attempting to be sexy. I personally think they are making asses of themselves. You do not look sexy, my dear. You look silly.

Sexy is confidence. Sexy is chastity. Sexy is self-respect. Sexy is knowing that you are worth someone who will prove themselves to you. Sexy is knowing who you are. Sexy is being who you are and not trying to impress anyone.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about arrogant. I’m talking about…being a child of God, and knowing it! That’s attractive.

So, I thought I would respond. Little did I know, I’d write a lot…so here’s my response:

Allow me to explain…no, there is too much…allow me to sum up:Buttercup is marrying Humperdink in little less than half an hour….

Okay, so: I am one of those gentlemen that believes that modesty is marvelous. That self-respect is sexy and chastity is an incredible way of saying “I love my future husband/wife, and respect everyone else’s, so out of respect for you, I’m not going to give myself or take away from anyone.”

The problem, I’d say, is two fold:

First, I’ll talk about men:

We guys are wired into our eyes, what we see. What these girls are showing, is only part of what guys are longing for, because everything is deeper than the surface. Sorry if I’m not making sense, I just woke up. Anyway… those things are very very tempting when they are presented and many guys just don’t have the self-control to look away, or to respect the ladies… to any guys reading this, wondering why it might not be okay for us to look at the ladies and admire God’s captivating creations…it’s not that it’s NOT okay, it’s that we were not created to look at EVERYONE. Let me put it another way… your future wife is out there somewhere, maybe not in the city you live in, but she’s out there somewhere, right? Right. (Unless you’re gonna be a priest or religious or are called to be single.) Anyway, your future wife is very beautiful, the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen (she was made perfect only for you, so of course she is, and I’m not talking supermodel looks, I’m talking the whole package beginning with the fact that she should be like your best friend…personality, morals, etc.). But here’s where the problem is: some other guy starts to notice her. Sure, you’re going to be married to her, but right now, she’s not yours, and some other guy is checking out her body, her body that he is starting to lust after (which is a sin) and that he just might go after, and who knows where it goes from there, any number of directions. Doesn’t feel too good, does it? If that’s not a problem to you, just imagine what it would be like, if they were sitting right next to you, and you were married to her, and you looked over at him and he was checkin’ her out right in front of you saying “dang girl… look at you.” I think I’ve proven my point.

Fellas, pray for custody of the eyes. That’s very important, so that you’ve got full control. It’ll save you a lot of discomfort later in life, and you’ll have a happier marriage.

Okay, now, for the ladies:

Do dress modestly, and don’t take the “latest fashions” and say “well, these new 6-inch wide skirts are all they’ve got” because that sure is NOT all that they’ve got. You’ve just gotta learn to shop a little better. I guarantee that modest clothes for girls are available in stores, because I see modestly dressed girls all the time at my youth group things that I help out with, as well as with my awesome church friends. Sure, you may not get to shop at the pricey stores at the mall or whatever. Who bloody cares, you’re respecting yourself, your body, and every guy that walks by. You’re also showing respect and love for your future husband, who by right is the only man that should see what you’re showing the world.

At the root of this problem, is that females are wired into their ears. The like what they hear and want to be told nice things about themselves and how they look and all of that. So they’ll do what it takes to get to hear those things, because it makes them feel valid, or noticed, or loved.. and for some, if they aren’t receiving that kind of attention, then something must be wrong. But I’m telling ya, there’s nothing wrong with you. All females should be Princesses of God. And that, more than anything else, will not only bring around the right attention, but also the sort of attention that will love you when you’re not as physically attractive, and will be with you to grow old together, and you will still be more beautiful to him than anything.

Protesting and petitioning the stores you shop at to get better, more modest clothes, does work, as a group of girls got something like 500 signatures from girls all over their city about one store’s prom dresses, and that store asked those girls to be in charge of their incoming clothes for women. You do have the power to change things.

In closing:
It’s both ways, but the change has gotta start somewhere.

For more information, Read this editorial… it’s letters that I was a part of the creation of back in 2001 about modesty.

On Patience

The world to day is very now. Give me this information, NOW. I want this NOW, I need that NOW. Patience is something that I struggle with sometimes. When it comes to certain things, I get in a mode where I will stop at nothing to have it.

And there are other things, more fragile, delicate things, that I have a yearning for, a desire for, but I need to find the balance. I need to have the patience to wait. You may think I’m talking about one thing, but you’d be wrong. Patience in that area is very easy. Patience is very trying.

When you don’t know what to talk about or what to say, patience leaves you to your thoughts. That can be a very scary thing, or a very soothing thing. And getting mixed signals, and you don’t know what they mean. Are they little tests? Are you failing each one? Are you making yourself look a fool?

Only fools rush in. I want to have the strength to be patient. But I also want to know how patient I need to be. The problem comes in knowing. What do I know and not know. Why is it so hard to ask and find out? Because of inopportune moments. Time. Because of the risks that may be associated with it. Because you are putting the other person in complete control of your feelings and emotions. You like where things are at, and don’t want that to become spoiled.

You, however, like where things are at so much, that you would like to experience more of that. That for every one moment you want another, and every moment spent makes you long for more. You see possibilities, but that scares you.

You just need to know a few things, and perhaps you can move forward.

Perhaps now is not the time, but soon may be.

Where am I going with this? Who is this for? What am I eluding to? Well, I know, and a few people that read this will know. Perhaps it is for one of those people to read. Perhaps it’s to help them to feel that they are not the only ones with these feelings. Perhaps it’s to help someone realize that they need to have a little patience.

Maybe it’s for me.