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Site Last Updated:
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Contest of Champions

Vader vs. SpockMr. Spock vs. Darth Vader

Mr.Spock Darth Vader
Height: 6'1"
Weight: 170 lbs.
Reach: 36"
Chronic Complaint: Ear Mites
Height: 6'3"
Weight: 210 lbs.
Reach: 37"
Chronic Complaint: Helmet lice

Darth Vader, spacefaring psychopath and lord of the Dark Side, has summoned Mr. Spock, first officer of the Enterprise and green-blooded good guy, to a tussle on the Death Star. Who'll come out on top? The smart money's on Vader; after all, he has the home court advantage. But don't underestimate Spock; remember, despite the temptation of a zillion-dollar paycheck, he had the brains to steer clear of "Star Trek: Generations."

Round One: Spock beams into Vader's personal quarters. Vader, sitting with his back to Spock, is hunched over a video game console. Spock peeks over Vader's shoulder. "Impressive," says Spock. "Even in our quadrant of the galaxy, it is difficult to obtain a Nintendo 64."

Round Two: Vader swivels to face Spock. "Nothing is beyond the reach of the Empire. The Federation will surrender itself over to me. Our newest armaments are far superior to those of the Federation."

"No," says Spock. "They are not."

"They are," says Vader.

"Nope," says Spock, who unpauses Vader's game of Shadows of the Empire.

"Yes, they -- stop that," says Vader, reaching for the joystick.

Round Three: As Vader reaches in, Spock reaches over to him and connects them with a mind-meld.

Round Four: Abruptly, Vader uses the Force to toss Spock against the wall.

Round Five: "You date touch the Imperial helmet?!?" snarls Vader. He reaches for his lightsaber.

"Yes," says Spock, rubbing his sprained hiney. "Long enough to learn that your threats are hollow."Vader's lightsaber ignites. "You will pay the price for your insolence!""Isn't that the Energizer Bunny behind you?" asks Spock.

Round Six: "Where??" Vader turns around, angered. Spock draws his phaser and stuns Vader unconcious.

Round Seven: Spock stands over Vader's comatose body and picks up his lightsaber. "How illogical," muses Spock. "A sword in this day and age." Spock beams back to the Enterprise, the Nintendo system tucked under his arm.

Winner: Mr. Spock

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