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Site Last Updated:
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Contest of Champions

Deep Space Nine vs. Babylon 5Deep Space Nine vs. Babylon 5

Deep Space Nine Babylon 5
Height (cast average): 5'10"
Weight (cast average): 170 lbs.
Reach (cast average): 35"
Rejected Title: "Cap'n Sisko's Satellite of Love"
Height (cast average): 5'11"
Weight (cast average): 180 lbs.
Reach (cast average): 36"
Rejected Title: "Shangri-Londo"

Who's the king of syndicated sci-fi? Well, yeah, it's probably still "Next Generation." But suppose you don't count that one? In a bar on the fringe of known space, a meeting between the casts of "Deep Space Nine" (Commander Sisko, Dr. Bashir, Major Kira, Lt. Dax, Jake Sisko) and "Babylon 5" (Captain Sheridan, Commander Ivanova, Vir Cotto, Lennier, G'Kar) has escalated into a barrage of insults and an all-out brawl.

Round One:"Your stories are dull and pointless!" sneers Sheridan, clobbering Bashir over the head with a beer bottle.

Bashir kicks Sheridan in the groin. "And yours are confusing and incomprehensible!"

Round Two: Ivanova pokes Kira in the eye. "'DS9' is bleak and dreary!"

"Oh yeah?" says Kira, landing a roadhouse to Ivanova's jaw. "'B5' is dreary and bleak!"

Round Three: "Sisko is so stiff," says Vir, yanking Dax's hair. "He makes Al Gore look like Jim Carrey!"

"Who does your special effects?" asks Dax, stomping on Vir's foot. "Industrial Light and Velveeta?"

Round Four: Sisko slams Lennier to the ground, then jumps up and down on his stomach. "Your women have about as much sex appeal as a sack of gym socks!" says Sisko.

"Gak!" wheezes Lennier.

Round Five: Jake has G'Kar in a headlock. "When the 'Next Generation' guys call it quits," says Jake, "we're gonna be movie stars...too!"

Round Six: The "Deep Space Nine" cast stops fighting and begins to giggle. They fall on the floor in a fit of hysteria. "Well, at least in made-for-TV movies, for sure," Ivanova points out.

Round Seven: The "Deep Space Nine" cast dies laughing.

Winner: Babylon 5

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