Sure, you've been reading all about what Paul Feig's doing ...
But you seem to want more.
Well then, read on, friend, because this page will tell you how to ...
Be Like Paul Feig!
A web page filled with facts and tips on how you can cultivate the same interests and hobbies in life that Paul Feig possesses.
Is this an ego trip? Is it blatant self-indulgence on the part of one Paul Feig?
Sure it is! But, hey, I'm payin' for this freakin' web site, ain't I?
Food, food, food: Take me to a nice restaurant. I love to eat out! I'll eat anywhere, as long as a) someone else is doing the cooking and b) I don't have to ever get up to get something.
Because of reason "b" above, the following are my two least favorite (or for our friends in Canada -- "favourite") eating situations:
Smorgasbord - If you hand me a tray, you might as well hand me a turd.
Hamptons - Yeah, yeah, I know - Paul Newman's a philanthropist. He gives a lot to charity. He's into natural, healthy ingredients. That still doesn't give him the right to have an out-of-work actor come over to my table and say, "All right, sir, if you'll just come with me, I'll show you where your food is." Guess what? If I'm payin' for a meal, I'm also payin' for you to BRING it to me. I'll tip you well. Just don't ask me to stand up. (I mean, fer cryin' out loud, you still have to tip them anyway because they bring you drinks and, as of now, I know of no pro-rated system of tipping waiters. If I leave ten percent because "you didn't bring me my food," there'll be a waiter in this world thinking what a friggin' cheapskate I am.)
Sitting around talking with friends : I really think this is one of the greatest pleasures in life -- that is, provided you have intelligent friends. I, of course, have the smartest, most articulate and wonderful friends in the world (all of whom read this web page), so my evenings spent sitting around talking and joking make for the best evenings of my life. Gosh, I'm actually starting to get a little misty here. Uh oh, better go to the Public Domain Comedy Guide to cheer up (or read on if you're not as weepy a sort as I am - but it was nice of me to give you an out, eh?).
A Strip Club: ...... oops .... did I write that? I meant to type "a good book." Is this what they call a Freudian slip?
Hanging out with my wife: Of course. Goes without saying. (I mean, c'mon, she reads my web page too ........ uh ... she can't read these parantheticals, can she? ... I've got to look into that.)
My favorite directors are (in order of "favorite-ness" - yeah, that's right, I made up a word - sue me):
And my favorite movies are:
Bringing Up Baby
Once Upon A Time In The West
Bullet in the Head
It's a Wonderful Life
The Wild Bunch
Drunken Master II
and many more!
Yeah, I like to run. However, I'm not one of those people who've been running all my life. I actually started less than a year ago. But I love it. It's not boring (compared to other workout exercises) and it's a great time to get a lot of thinking done -- although I spend a lot of time thinking things like "Gee, maybe I should stop and rest," "Ow, my ankle hurts" and the ever popular "I think I'm about to have a heart attack."
I also go to the gym to supplement my running and do the Lifecycle and the skiing machine (whatever the heck that thing's called). But I don't go as often as I should. For one thing, I can't stand the music. It's always stuff that sounds like the theme from "Mortal Kombat" -- the kind of music that dance groups always used on "Star Search." And people always look at me funny because I wear really crappy workout clothes. You know -- most people have those fancy tight outfits but I've been known to show up wearing bermuda shorts and deck shoes. Yeah, yeah -- once a nerd, always a nerd.
I didn't always used to do such conventional exercise. For a few years, I was doing ...
Yes, that's right. I practiced the ancient art of Kung Fu, Wing Chun Kung Fu to be specific. I especially enjoyed working with the Chinese Broadsword. Did this make me weird? Nuts? Perhaps. A friend of mine coined the name "SuperLoser" for me whenever he used to catch me working on my Kung Fu forms. And perhaps he was right. As a kid, I used to look at people who did martial arts and think "oh, brother." But, like most things in life, once you start doing them you realize there's something good to be found in everything. And so, I did Kung Fu.
That was, until I messed up my fingers. You see, in Kung Fu, you're always trying to grab the other person's arms or hands and every time I'd spar, I'd end up really jamming my fingers or catching them in the other guy's shirt and twisting my digits sideways. I'd wake up with near arthritic pain (hey, I sound like my grandma!).
The problem with that is that I'm a musician. I've played guitar most of my life and still write, perform and produce music for various projects in my home studio. And one day I was laying down a guitar solo for a song and couldn't get through it because of my sore hands. And then I had to decide if a fighting skill that I would probably never use in my life was worth trading one of my favorite activities -- playing music -- for. Well, the answer was clear. And now I run to stay in shape.
But I miss Kung Fu and would recommend it to anyone. Just keep your fingers together.
And, for the record, just because I know Kung Fu doesn't mean I could beat anybody in a fight. To the contrary, I'd probably get my butt kicked by a five year old if I challenged him. But, what the heck, at least I feel like I could defend myself. And let's face it. In today's world, what are the chances that I'm going to get in a fight? Who would I fight with? Other actors? I doubt it.
By the way, if you'd like to visit the web page for my former Kung Fu school, a great place run by a great sifu, Todd Tei, then press below!
Maybe they can make you into half the lethal fighting machine that I am.
"That Paul Feig! What a loser!" - Goofus Joe
They seem to change constantly. Some of the more recurring ones are:
Music - I play guitar, bass, drums and a few other more oddball instruments like the Greek bazooki (I'm sure that's not how you spell it but phonetically it makes sense).
Reading - I love books, especially non-fiction. A little later in the page, I'll give you the name of some books that I recommend. Won't that be exciting?
Magic - I started out doing magic when I was a kid and I still love it. I know it tends towards the dorky side but I make no excuses. I think it's a great art form and it's a good thing for kids to learn if they're thinking about getting into performing. There, that's my PSA for today.
This dang computer - Nothing eats up that precious spare time better than the good ol' computer. And making a web page takes even more time. Oh boy! Good old American procrastination.
Kung Fu - I know, I know. We already went over it.
Cooking - There, I said it. And I'm not ashamed. I love to cook. But not just standard old meatloafs and pot roasts (nowthat would be weird). I'm talking about spicy, exotic foods. Cuban cooking is my favorite. Also, Texas-style and Mexican. Oh, man, you oughta taste my jalapeno cornbread! I'm tellin' you. And my black beans and rice? You'll think you died and went to heaven. (Isn't the Internet wonderful? Where else could you hear a guy go on and on about his cooking? You think the government had this in mind when they created this thing?)
Here's some books that I really like and recommend:
"The Selfish Gene" by Richard Dawkins
"Elmer Gantry" by Sinclair Lewis
"The Blind Watchmaker" by Richard Dawkins
"The Acid House" by Irvine Welch
"Bad Science - The Short Life and Weird Times of Cold Fusion" by Gary Taubes. A great true story of the science community gone temporarily insane. A dense book but worth the effort.
"Virus of the Mind" by Richard Brodie (it's sort of a condensation of "The Selfish Gene" - in all honesty, you're better off reading the Dawkins book - it's great)
"Marabou Stork Nightmares" by Irvine Welch
Some old favorites:
"Catcher in the Rye" - I know, it's like recommending the Mona Lisa but what the heck, some kids could be reading this.
"The Brothers Karamozoff"
"Crime and Punishment"
The Phone - I hate it. I'll do anything to get out of talking on the phone. I hate anything that's completely verbally based. Even communication via the radio can be spiced up with music and sound effects. But the phone is just me talking and then you talking and no one can pick anything up from your facial expressions or gestures. I know this is a perk for many people but for me, it's the telephone's downfall. Damn you, Mr. Bell!
Stupid Questions - We were always taught that there's no such thing as a stupid question. Well, guess what? There is! And about ninety percent of the questions that transpire between people fall into the category of "stupid." What's the definition of a "stupid question?" Any question which a) you already know the answer to or b) the person you're asking couldn't possibly know the answer to.
Repeating Myself - Clean out your ears! Once or twice saying "what?" or "huh?" during a conversation is acceptable (barely) but any more than that and you have the God-given right to walk away. People aren't used to focusing on conversation anymore because of the nature of our electronic mediums these days. And so, the speaker is constantly made to bear the burden of the world's diminishing attention spans. (Yikes, I sound like a psycho - well, now you're just seeing the tip of the nightmare my wife must live with everyday.)
Reading my T-shirts - Over the course of many years, I've accumulated many nutty T-shirts with either phrases or logos or both on the front. And there's nothing worse than wearing some old shirt you've had forever and having someone stare at your chest and go, "What's that?" (see "Stupid Questions" above). The fact is that this gripe doesn't really apply to our peer group so much as it does the older generations. My parents and their friends were usually the culprits of this type of behavior. Knowing that I was into comedy, they'd always run over to me and stare at my shirt, smiling, going "oh, what's he got on today?," implying I had selected a shirt and put it on in order "create comedy with my mere presence." So why would I wear a shirt with writing on it if this bugs me? Usually because the shirt was free, which leads us to ...
Free Stuff! - Can't really say this is much of a quirk but it's worth mentioning. I love free stuff! We all do. But I really love it. I've worn some of the truly ugliest shoes ever because I've gotten them free from Nike while doing a TV series. It's an ugly truth but hey, I'm just an open kind of guy.
I love baseball. I used to love it more but the strike sort of ruined it for me. I know that everybody in every profession ultimately works for money (whether they admit it or not) but the baseball strike drove home a point that none of us wanted to admit - that baseball players aren't as blindly in love with the game as we thought they were.
I also love hockey although there's much about the game I don't understand.
Football's okay as long as it's Monday Night Football. Don't ask me why I feel that way because I couldn't really tell you. I think it has something to do with the way games look at night under the bright lights.
Basketball ... take it or leave it.
Cricket? I love it. I actually played it once in England. Trust me, it's a great game. You just have to get past your American need for fast-paced, neatly tied up games. And what other game do they stop in the middle so that everyone can eat sandwiches?
Well, that's just a little about Paul Feig. This should give you enough to work on for now in your quest to become as anal and screwed up as I am.
Your mission is clear.
Where do you want to go now?