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Contest of Champions

The Robot from 'Lost in Space' vs. C-3POThe Robot from 'Lost in Space' vs. C-3PO

The Robot from 'Lost in Space' C-3PO
Height: 9'
Weight: 2 tons
Reach: 5'
Favorite Can Opener: Sears Slice-o-Tronic
Height: 5'6"
Weight: 250 lbs.
Reach: 3'
Favorite Can Opener: Kmart Whack-o-Matic

To prove that he's not a wimp, C-3PO, the loyal droid from "Star Wars," has agreed to take on the mechanical behemoth from "Lost in Space" known simply as the Robot. How hard, thinks C-3PO, could it be? After all, he's seen the reruns on the Sci-Fi Channel; the guy's a bubblehead. Er, at least he was in the good old days.

Round One: C-3PO approaches a locked door. On the other side waits the Robot. "Now, now, don't be afraid," C-3PO mutters to himself, fiddling with the lock, "He's nothing more than obsolete technology from the 1960s. A piece of cake."

Round Two: The door opens. Behind it stands a 9' monstrosity with four arms and a single red eye. It raises its arms.

"Holy [EXPLETIVE DELETED]!" shrieks C-3PO, who zips from the room and slams the door behind him.

Round Three: C-3PO is panicky. "This can't be right!" He locks the door and leans against it.

Round Four: From the other side of the door comes a quiet, yet firm voice. "Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!"

"What was that?" C-3PO rubs his chin. "He surely can't think I am this Will Robinson person. Or is it a trick? Oh, what to do!"

Round Five: Seconds pass. Overcome with curiosity, C-3PO cautiously opens the door.

Round Six: The Robot grabs C-3PO around the throat. "What are you doing?" squeaks C-3PO. "I'm not Will Robinson!"

"I know," says the Robot, lifting C-3PO off the floor. "I just like saying that."

Round Seven: The Robot shakes C-3PO up and down. "Gl-ac-k-ru-ccchhh...!" says C-3PO.

Round Eight: C-3PO's head separates from his body.

Round Nine: The Robot drop-kicks the head.

Winner: The Robot

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