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Site Last Updated:
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Contest of Champions

Ewoks vs. TribblesEwoks vs. Tribbles

Ewoks Tribbles
Height (each): 3'1"
Weight: 50 lbs.
Reach: 24"
Height (each): 4"
Weight: 9 oz.
Reach: No can do

Life was good on Endor, the forested moon inhabited by the Ewoks, a tribe of spunky little teddy bears who befriended Luke Skywalker and company in "Return of the Jedi." That is, life was good until the Tribbles showed up. The Tribbles, a race of benign but fertile fluff lumps from "Star Trek," immediately began multiplying like attourneys at an airplane crash. A few weeks have passed and Endor is now carpeted with Tribbles. If the Ewoks don't figure out what to do with these critters pretty soon, they're gonna be drowning in 'em.

Round One: Chirpa, chief of the Ewoks, has convened an emergency council meeting. He can barely be heard over the cooing noises of the Tribbles. "The outcome of our latest effort to drive away the Tribbles?"

"Failure," says Wicket, the tribe's lead warrior. "Much to our surprise, the Tribbles were not frightened by the Nine Inch Nails videos."

Chirpa turns to Paploo, the tribal shaman. "And the plan to use Tribbles as tennis balls?"

"Also a failure," says Paploo. "They keep getting stuck in the rackets."

"Very well," says Chirpa. "Then we know what we must do. Wicket, uncrate the razors and prepare for a mass shaving. And Paploo -- "

"Yes, chief?"

"Heat up the deep fryers."

The Tribbles in the area stop cooing.

Later: Paploo appears at Chirpa's treehouse, carrying a covered tray. "A sample for your approval," says Paploo. "This is the extra crispy."

Chirpa lifts the cover, removes the brown-crusted delicacy beneath and nibbles its edge. "Mmmm..." he says. "Tastes like chicken!"

Winner: Ewoks

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